Monday, January 21, 2008

Fœtal attraction

There’s a story in today’s paper about a woman who is about to become the UK record-holder in surrogate motherhood. She planned to get out of the womb-rental business after number seven, but has now decided she doesn’t like not being pregnant, so is going for the record. Phil Wallis, chairman of something called the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Committee said, “We have to make sure women are not psychologically damaged as a result of surrogacy.” The mass-producing Mum, who doesn’t want children but charges £12,000 a pop to hatch them, said, “I wish I was ten years younger so I could fit more in”. Looks like it’s too late, Mr Wallis.

It’s crisis time in Jones Towers. No, I’m not blogging again, honest. I just had to publish this while it’s still true: after their win at Wigan yesterday, Everton are now FOURTH. More importantly, that puts them above Liverpool! You’ll appreciate the urgency when I tell you that Liverpool play Aston Villa in 2½ hours’ time. So what’s the crisis, you ask.
The crisis is that the DG supports Liverpool.

Monday, January 07, 2008

Hello, goodbye

It hasn’t been a good year so far: Everton were put out of the FA Cup yesterday – by a team 62 places below them.

The more perceptive will have noticed – but don’t feel inadequate if you didn't - that the word ‘photograph’ in the previous post is the 100,000th word of this blog. It’s a milestone of sorts: it also marks the second anniversary of the start of the blog – on Twelfth Night, 2006. More significantly, it’s about the length of the average novel, which means that if I had decided two years ago to put the same amount of effort into a book, it would be ready to go right now – whereas in fact I don't have a book, and have made negative progress on the one I was working on. By “negative” I don’t mean zilch; I mean worse than zilch: I’m further away than I was two years ago because a lot of the earlier research has gone stale and will have to be done again.
The review of my 2006 resolutions to see how actual performance compared hasn't exactly been cheering either. I make it 100%: 100% failure. Failed to improve on score rate against the formidable Moll at Scrabble; didn’t get weight down (though it isn’t up either); but the most abject failure of all was Resolution One: to produce 2,500 usable, sellable words a week. I didn’t reach that many in the year. Hence the goodbye – but I hope it’s au revoir as I’ve made the same resolution for 2008, and if I make it, I'll be back.
So this New Year’s Resolution One is to have another try at giving up the blog. If, after 100,653 words, 6,537 visits and 10,096 page views, I had had anything blogworthy to say and still haven’t said it, then it isn’t worth saying. So that’s it – cold turkey. Finish. Regrets? (I’ve had a few, but then again too few to mention.) Yes, lots of them – it has been great fun and I’ve met some wonderful people. Do I hear you say, "dilettante bloggers, they never last - but he'll be back?" I hope you're right. Till then have a great year.